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"FU DOG TAKES A WALK"
INT. GRANDPA'S SHOP - BACK ROOM - DAY
Fu Dog, wearing a "Ghoul's Gym" T-SHIRT, pulls a COACH'S
WHISTLE from his wrinkles and blows a .
1 FU DOG
I wanna see some good, clean sparring
here. No biting, no clawing, no kicking,
no I'm kidding, anything goes, boys! I
wanna see rough stuff--piledrivers and
sledgehammers! Steamrollers &
dumptrucks! Caterpillars and--
WIDEN: Grandpa and Jake are facing each other on a sparring
matt. They stare at Fu incredulously.
Are you finished?
3 FU DOG
You take all the fun, ya know that?
Awright, let's see some action!
Fu backs off, blowing the .
Grandpa bows to Jake, strikes a tai chi pose and gracefully
transforms into a dragon.
Are you ready, young one?
Born there, Grandpa! Check me.
Jake STRAINS to transform.
6 JAKE (CONT'D)
Jake finally makes a glitchy transformation to Dragon form.
7 JAKE (CONT'D)
Oh yez! How you like me now, Grandpop?
This is no joke over here. You sure you
want a piece of this?
Jake frenetically bobs and weaves. Grandpa circles him
calmly and patiently, looking for an opening.
Don't be too cocky. Stay focused. Watch
Jake thrashes his tail around in a flashy break-dance
inspired move. He grins at it, pleased.
Oh, I'm watching the tail. And it's
looking way chill!
Not your tail. Mine.
Grandpa's tail coils up behind Jake. When he turns his head,
it grabs him by the snoot and judo flips him into a stack of
DVD players. Jake reverts to Jake Form on .
Fu looks away.
12 FU DOG
Ouch! Right in the merchandise.
Grandpa transforms back into human form and helps Jake up,
surveying the damaged DVD players.
14 FU DOG
I'm on it, Gramps!
Fu Dog starts the DVD players as sale items (50%
off). Grandpa leads Jake back over to the matt.
Jake, you must learn concentration.
Come, we will try a basic meditation
exercise. Very simple. Even a gremlin
could do it.
The MESSENGER PIXIE flies into the shop and up to Fu.
16 MESSENGER FAIRY
Delivery for Fu Dog. Sign here.
Fu signs and takes the small envelope, studying it.
17 FU DOG
It's from Big Ernie. (realizing) Could
Fu eagerly tears open the envelope.
Grandpa transforms into a dragon and settles into a lotus
position. Jake shapeshifts and tries to imitate Grandpa's
position, desperately tugging his legs into place.
Ow. Ow. Ow. Owwww.
Concentrate. Breathe. Embrace the
Fu pulls a sparkling, magic ticket out of the envelope.
20 FU DOG
I don't believe it! A ticket to today's
playoff game! A box seat in the special
magic section! No one can get these!
Fu pulls out a note, reading it:
21 FU DOG (CONT'D)
"Dear Fu: Don't never say I never did
nothin' for ya. Love, Big Ernie." Woo
Fu gives the ticket a big, wet .
BACK ON GRANDPA AND JAKE - meditating. Jake struggles, in a
Uh, I don't think I bend this way,
You must release yourself.
Jake lets go and out of his lotus position,
into another stack of DVD players.
24 GRANDPA (CONT'D)
That's not what I meant.
Fu runs over to Grandpa with the ticket.
25 FU DOG
I gotta split, Gramps. This ball game
starts in ten minutes!
I cannot take you. Jake needs work on
WHIP PAN to Jake, struggling out of the DVD pile. One slides
off the top and cracks him on the head.
No, I'm cool, I'm coo--ow!
WHIP PAN back to Grandpa and Fu Dog.
28 FU DOG
Hey, I'm a big dog. I'll walk myself.
I don't know. You remember what happened
FLASH BACK TO:
EXT. CHELSEA STREET CORNER - NIGHT
Firetrucks, police helicopters. and flashing
lights. Dog Catchers in S.W.A.T. gear.
At the center of it, Fu Dog, a feather boa, and a fire
hydrant, off its base.
FLASH BACK TO:
INT. GRANDPA'S SHOP - PRESENT
Fu holds up his paws.
30 FU DOG
Hey, it was all just a little
misunderstanding. Look, this game is a
once in a lifetime opportunity...
Fu holds up the TICKET -- a holographic image comes to life,
showing two baseball players on pitching mounds--
31 FU DOG (CONT'D)
Fastball hurler Chuckie Ouligian is
pitching against knuckle-baller Craig
(pleading with Grandpa)
It's the game of the year, maybe the
century and I'm sitting on a prime ticket
over here! I have to go!
Grandpa holds up a single finger.
Be careful. And do not draw attention to
33 FU DOG
Hey, sure thing, pops! You're looking at
Mister inconspicuous over here!
Fu starts to leave, reaches for the boa.
Ah ah ah!
Fu Dog leaves it and races out of the shop with the ticket.
EXT. GRANDPA'S SHOP / OFF CANAL STREET
Fu Dog exits the shop, tucking the ticket into a fold in his
skin. He drops to all fours and trots down the street.
35 FU DOG
It's a beautiful day for baseball. Woo!
BINOCULARS P.O.V. Ð Fu walking down the sidewalk.
36 OGELVY (V.O.)
At last! The rare Chinese sharpei dog I
need. How long have I waited for you to
venture out alone and unattended? Too
long. Far too long.
ON - OPHELIA OGELVY THE DOG CATCHER, sitting in her truck, as
she puts her binoculars down.
But now I've got you right where I want
She SNEEZES into a tissue, SOPPING it instantly.
38 OGELVY (CONT'D)
She daintily places the tissue in a trashbin and whips
another tissue out of her handy utility belt.
ON FU DOG Ð trotting along humming to himself.
39 FU DOG
Suddenly the Dog Catcher steps out from behind a lamppost,
blocking his path.
40 FU DOG (CONT'D)
What the--? I mean... (innocently) Woof!?
Dog Catcher flashes a BADGE.
Officer Ogelvey, New York Animal Control.
Are you aware that you are in violation
of article one, section one, subsection
one of the Greater City of New York's
municipal leash law?
Fu Dog is not sure what to say, but before he can speak:
42 OGELVY (CONT'D)
Of course you're not! Because you're
just a dumb animal!!
43 FU DOG
(biting his tongue)
Ogelvy whips out a pair of aluminum batons.
You're comin' with me, mutt.
At the flick of a switch, the batons fold out into (hi-tech)
old-fashioned dog catcher's nets.
45 FU DOG
(under his breath)
Fu Dog tries to back away. He backs into a fire hydrant.
Ogelvy lunges at him with the net. Fu Dog dodges and Ogelvy
snags the hydrant instead. She lunges again, snagging the
purse of a passing OLD LADY, who Ogelvy with a cane.
Uh oh. Whoops. Ow!
47 OLD LADY
Take that, you young hooligan!
Fu Dog at Ogelvy's predicament. But as Fu turns
to leave, Ogelvy's foot comes into frame, pinning Fu Dog's
tail to the ground. As he starts to walk away, his hindskin
stretches at first, then he faceplants on the sidewalk.
Not so fast, perp. I mean, pup.
Fu Dog grabs his skin and "pulls the rug" out from under
Ogelvy, who pratfalls, as Fu Dog scampers away.
49 FU DOG
Heh. Gets 'em every time.
Curse you, canine! I'll get you yet.
Yeah, you better run! Ouch!
The old lady comes over and, seeing that she has fallen and
gotten tangled in her own nets again, Ogelvy with her
purse some more as she gets up and moves after Fu.
EXT. SEVERAL BLOCKS LATER, NEAR AN ALLEY
Fu Dog rounds a corner, and darts into an alley. Moments
later, Ogelvy charges into the alley after him.
EXT. DARK ALLEY
Ogelvy creeping through the dank alley. Shadows flit past.
I know you're in here, mongrel! ACHOO!
My nose knows. All my life I've been
plagued by allergies but now they are my
greatest weapon! Achoo!
Ogelvy whirls on: A DUMPSTER. sounds from within.
Ogelvy peeks inside. A PAIR OF EYES peer back at her.
52 OGELVY (CONT'D)
She thrusts her arm into the dumpster.
53 OGELVY (CONT'D)
Ow! Ouch! Oh my! Achoo!
The Cat springs out of the dumpster and runs off, as Ogelvy
collapses in a pained heap.
MOUTH OF THE ALLEY
Fu Dog is at the entrance to the alleyway, when the cat comes
running by. It stops. It peels back the skin of it's face
like a "hood". It's an IMP-IN-A-CAT-SUIT!
54 FU DOG
Thanks, Impy. I owe you one.
He starts to leave, but the Imp grabs him by the tail.
Hold on! You owe me two, cheapskate--
The IMP/CAT dons its "hood" and leaps away, just as: Ogelvy
DIVE-TACKLES Fu Dog.
I gotchoo. Achoo!
Fu Dog escapes during the sneeze.
57 OGELVY (CONT'D)
Darn these allergies! Darn them, I say!
EXT. ASTOR PLACE - DAY
Fu Dog runs up the street. He pulls his pocket watch out of
his wrinkles and stops to look behind him.
58 FU DOG
I gotta lose this dame and get to the
game. I'm missin' the national anthem.
Fu Dog darts into:
EXT. SAINT MARK'S PLACE - DAY
A permanent outdoor street bazaar in the East Village,
bustling with shoppers and vendors of all kinds.
Fu Dog looks around for a place to hide. He spots a shop
called "The Scarf Man". He ducks into it, just as...
Ogelvy turns onto Saint Mark's Place. She stalks through the
teeming crowd. Eyes darting every which way.
59 FU DOG (O.S.)
(gypsy fortune-teller accent)
Madame Namfracseht knows all!
ON FU DOG Ð disguised as a gypsy fortune teller, in scarves.
60 FU DOG (CONT'D)
You have a question for Madame
Did you see a wrinkled stray dog go by?
62 FU DOG
Give me your hand!!
He seizes Ogelvy's hand, in it, then launches into a
63 FU DOG (CONT'D)
Spirits of the spiritual realm, hear me!
A pale, ethereal-looking JOGGER hears him and stops. As he
turns, we see a tire mark across his chest. He speaks in a
ghostly, echo-enhanced voice.
65 FU DOG
(aside to Spirit)
Uh... Not you.
Not me? I don't see any other spirits
Ogelvy is oblivious to the spirit.
Listen, I just want to know which way the
68 FU DOG
(suddenly "hearing" voices)
What's that, spirits? Huh? Who? Where?
Oh, this is so fake.
70 FU DOG
The all-knowing spirits say...
He went thataway!
Ogelvy tosses him a handful of coins and hurries off. But
she STOPS IN HER TRACKS at the .
She WHIPS AROUND in time to see:
Fu Dog's departing tail as he scampers down the stairs of the
nearest subway station.
72 OGELVY (CONT'D)
Why you...! Achoo!
INT. SUBWAY STATION Ð TOKEN BOOTH
Fu Dog at the token booth, ducked below the window level. He
tosses the handful of coins from Ogelvy onto the counter.
73 FU DOG
(small child voice)
ON OGELVY Ð coming down the stairs just in time to see Fu Dog
going through the turnstiles.
Come back here, hound!
Ogelvy sprints after him, tries to jump the turnstiles.
She's NABBED IN MIDAIR by two POLICE OFFICERS.
75 POLICE OFFICER #1
Where do you think you're going, lady?
EXT. STREET LEVEL
Ogelvy is HEAVED up onto the sidewalk.
Oof! Hey, watch the uniform! I'm in law
enforcement, too, ya know!
INT. SUBWAY TRAIN
Fu Dog peers out the window of the subway train as it pulls
out of the station. He to himself.
77 FU DOG
Heh, what a meatloaf! What a meringuepie!
Turning around, he sees a trainload of commuters staring at
him in disbelief. He tries to cover.
78 FU DOG (CONT'D)
Which is to say... Woof. Woof woof.
The crowd abruptly stops staring and goes back to pointedly
minding their own business. (As New Yorkers are wont to do.)
EXT. DOG CATCHER'S TRUCK - 6TH AVENUE
Ogelvy returns to her POUND TRUCK. She looks at her watch.
It's almost 2 o'clock. The 6 train runs
express to Lexington between noon and six
on Sundays in September! If I can make
it to midtown before the train reaches
59th Street, I can head him off at the
Ogelvy hops in the truck and ,
maniacally as she disappears up 6th Avenue.
EXT. 59TH STREET / LEXINGTON AVENUE
Ogelvy's Truck up the Avenue and up onto
the curb. She leaps out and stumbles down the stairs into
the subway station just as: FU DOG emerges from the opposite
80 FU DOG
Well, I think that's enough excitement
for one day. Now for some baseball!
Just then Ogelvy is HEAVED out of the subway station.
She sees Fu Dog. Fu Dog runs. Ogelvy pursues.
EXT. CENTRAL PARK - SOUTH EAST CORNER
Fu Dog reaches the S.E. corner of Central Park, and leaps
over the low wall into the park.
Ogelvy runs up seconds later, doesn't see Fu, glances around.
He can't have gone far. Got to think
like a mongrel.
She scratches behind his ear. She around.
A lady walks by with a wolfhound on the way to the Dog Park.
So does another one. And another.
83 OGELVY (CONT'D)
(starting to sneeze)
Ah... Ah... Aha! The park!
She wheels dramatically.
ANGLE ON: Fu Dog hiding behind a tree, as Ogelvy climbs over
the retaining wall into the park, starts around.
84 FU DOG
This gal is relentless. I'm gonna need
help if I'm gonna make it to the ball
park before the seventh inning stretch.
Fu Dog looks around. There's nothing but trees and rocks.
85 FU DOG (CONT'D)
One of the trees OPENS ITS EYES.
You talkin' to me?
87 FU DOG
You see any other Tree Elfs around here?
Several other trees and rocks OPEN THEIR EYES.
88 FU DOG (CONT'D)
Oh. Hi, guys. Hook me up with some of
that camouflage, will ya?
Ogelvy, creeping through the Park. A WEIRD SHRUB tries to
tiptoe past her in the opposite direction. She stops,
sensing something peculiar, but shrugs it off. The Shrub
tiptoes some more. She stops again. Something prickles at
her nose. She shrugs again. But just as the FU SHRUB is
about to make a clean getaway, Ogelvy gives a mighty
The FU SHRUB tries to make a break for it, but Ogelvy
immediately spins around, whips out a net and NABS HIM.
90 OGELVY (CONT'D)
You're poached, pooch!
Fu Dog to himself, and glares at the local flora.
Several "trees" exchange embarrassed glances and pick
themselves up by the roots and sneak away.
INT. GRANDPA'S SHOP - DAY
Back at the Shop, Grandpa is still deep in meditation.
Behind him, Jake is sprawled on a pile of VCRs, .
92 GRANDPA (CONT'D)
Open your mind to... Aiya!
I'm awake! I'm up! Totally!
Fu Dog is in trouble!
You can tell just by meditating?
No, by looking at my watch. It's been
almost an hour since the last time he was
in trouble. So he's about due. We
better go find him.
Grandpa grabs his hat and they head for the door.
EXT. DOG CATCHER'S TRUCK Ð 59TH STREET
Ogelvy heaves Fu Dog into the back of the Pound Truck and
the door. And it. And it. And
it. And it. And it.
INT. DOG CATCHER'S TRUCK/CAGE
Fu Dog finds himself in a cage with several other dogs: A
Beagle, a German Shepherd and a French poodle, among others.
A Chihuahua does backflips. Fu tries making conversation:
97 FU DOG
So what are you in for? Piddling in
public? Grooming violation? ...Mime?
The other dogs give him blank stares through the bars. He
takes out a pocket travel dictionary, thumbs through it.
98 FU DOG (CONT'D)
Let's see... Qu'est Que C'est...?
Arf! Arf arf arf!
SUBTITLES: "Fleas! Cheese! Fleas! Cheese!"
The other dogs back away from him, .
99 FU DOG (CONT'D)
Hmm, I think my "dog" is a little rusty.
The Truck lurches as...
EXT. A BAD PART OF TOWN
The Pound Truck hits a pothole as it rolls through a seedy
part of town (a parked car burns on the side of the road).
INT. POUND TRUCK/CAGE
Fu Dog sits in the truck, fretting and wringing his fur. The
other dogs don't know what to make of him. They slowly
approach him, tails wagging. The Chihuahua licks his face.
100 FU DOG
Oh, hey, down boy. No mushy stuff, okay
guys? I'm not lookin' to make friends in
here. I got a game to get to. That's
all that matters to me.
He gets up and paces.
101 FU DOG (CONT'D)
Okay, nothin' to worry about. We're just
going to the pound. Soon as the big guy
finds out, he'll come down and spring me.
I'll be in the bleachers by the fourth
He peeks through a slit in the side of the truck.
EXT. DILAPIDATED FACTORY
The Pound Truck pulls into a creepy, abandoned factory.
INT. POUND TRUCK/CAGE Ð AS BEFORE
102 FU DOG
Wait a minute! This isn't the Dog Pound!
What's going on here?
Suddenly the cage door open.
INT. DOG CATCHER'S LAIR Ð ABANDONED FACTORY
Ogelvy stands before them in a vast chamber of cruel machines
and equipment like a mad scientist's lab / factory.
She flips a switch and huge mechanical pincers latch onto the
dogs, dump them into cages, and haul them onto a stack of
other cages filled with cowering canines of every kind, as-
Ogelvy waxes maniacal to Fu and the other dogs.
Achoo! Achoo! Achoo! .
Finally, I will be free from my allergies
once and for all! Thanks to this! The
She dramatically unveils a massive EMULSIFYING MACHINE with
HUGE CLAW-PINCERS along a CONVEYOR BELT dangling over an
immense VAT OF BUBBLING LIQUID.
104 OGELVY (CONT'D)
I've captured one of every breed of dog
known to dogkind.
She thrusts an accusing finger at Fu Dog.
105 OGELVY (CONT'D)
You were the last. And now that I have
you, I'll use this to turn you into this!
She whips out a tiny perfume bottle, a puff.
106 OGELVY (CONT'D)
Concentrated Eau de Dog which will render
me impervious to sneezing, sniffling,
runny nose and watery eyes once and for
all!! Henchman! Activate the
EMULSIFIER!! (then) Darn it, I need a
She goes off to start the Emulsifier himself. Fu Dog glances
around in his cage.
107 FU DOG
And I am outta here. Just a pinch of
Fu pulls out his pouch, and sprinkles some powder onto his
cage's lock. It open. Fu is exiting the cage when
the Chihuahua leans out through the other cage and licks Fu's
hand. Fu stops, turning to the dogs. He holds up the pouch.
108 FU DOG (CONT'D)
Sorry, guys. I don't have enough to
spring all of you. You're on your own.
They wag their tails. Fu hesitates.
109 FU DOG (CONT'D)
Look, don't you get it? You have to save
yourselves. You can't just sit there.
The dogs obediently SIT on command.
110 FU DOG (CONT'D)
Otherwise you might as well just roll
over and play dead!
The dogs ROLL OVER and PLAY DEAD.
111 FU DOG (CONT'D)
Hoo boy. You guys are hopeless. Good
luck. I'll send help as soon as I get to
the game, o.k.?
Fu starts away but the Chihuahua looks up at him with big,
puppy dog eyes.
112 FU DOG (CONT'D)
Nah, don't even think about givin' me the
puppy dog eyes. I invented that trick.
They do it anyway. The Chihuahua lets out a . Fu Dog softens.
113 FU DOG (CONT'D)
Aw. I wish I'd never invented that
trick. It's just too good.
Suddenly, a loud rips through the air as
the machine churns to life. Fu turns to the dogs.
114 FU DOG (CONT'D)
O.k. hold tight guys. It's Fu to the
A CONTROL PANEL PLATFORM
Ogelvy manipulates a control panel while the machine
All right, let's begin...
THE PINCHER - moves towards the cages of dogs as--
FU DOG - tiptoes behind Ogelvy. He is reaching for a lever
on the panel when Ogelvy spins around.
116 OGELVY (CONT'D)
Not so fast, wrinkle toes!
She works a joy stick on the control panel. The Pincer
slides back and catches Fu by the back of the neck, lifting
him off the ground.
117 OGELVY (CONT'D)
118 FU DOG
Listen, lady. I can talk, see? I'm a
magical talking dog. Think of the money
you could make off me. Doesn't that
matter to you at all?
Achoo! Not one bit.
120 FU DOG
I was afraid of that. Alright, you may
have me, but you ain't gettin' them!
Fu reaches out with his hind leg and kicks the lever down.
ON THE DOG CAGES - The doors flip open. The dogs rush out.
Fu motions to them, frantic.
121 FU DOG (CONT'D)
Go! Run! Scram! Beat it! Save
yourselves! What are you waiting for?
Get outta here! You stupid old mutts!
The dogs glance towards the exit, hesitating. [THEIR BARKS
[Go go go!!]
En masse, the dogs race towards the platform, jumping all
over Ogelvy and .
No! Ahhhh! Bad dogs!
126 FU DOG
Yeah! Dog power! You go, boys! And
Ogelvy falls back, hitting a big red switch on the machine.
As the dogs basically tear the place apart, the pinchers
raise Fu Dog up and over the machine's conveyor belt. Ahead
of him, a series of pinchers open one by one to drop
their contents into the bubbling EMULSIFYING VAT far below.
127 FU DOG (CONT'D)
Uh oh. Little help here?
Fu Dog feverishly through his phrasebook, but finds
nothing he can pronounce. He gives up and tosses it aside.
128 FU DOG (CONT'D)
Ah, forget it.
Fu Dog looks down and sees the Chihuahua and doing
backflips while the other dogs .
129 FU DOG (CONT'D)
The Chihuahua stops what he's doing and perks up his ears.
The name on his dogtag says "Sancho".
Fu Dog gestures toward the big red switch.
131 FU DOG
Fetch the ball, boy! Go get the ball!
The Chihuahua whips around and sees: THE POWER SWITCH of the
Emulsifier which has a BIG RED KNOB.
The Chihuahua like a junkyard dog and lunges across
the room, hurling himself at the red knob, which is as big as
his whole body. He tugs at it mercilessly.
133 FU DOG
Atta boy! Sic 'em!
The Chihuahua finally manages to pull the switch, just as:
The pincer starts to open. Fu Dog desperately grabs
hold of it, barely hanging by his toenails.
134 FU DOG (CONT'D)
It's times like these I wish I had a
giant pair of bat wings instead of a
(thinks about it)
Nah, on second thought I'm good with the
But I could sure use a dragon, right now.
Suddenly, JAKE AND GRANDPA DRAGON burst through the ceiling.
Grandpa springs to the ground in front of Ogelvy, blocking
Jake onto the conveyor belt, right above Fu Dog,
accidentally jarring him loose. Fu Dog plummets to his doom.
135 FU DOG (CONT'D)
I take it back! No dragons!
In an acrobatic maneuver, Jake dives off the conveyor, snags
the pincer with his tail and catches Fu Dog in mid-fall.
Scared ya, didn't I?
137 FU DOG
Nah, I'm always this damp.
ON OGELVY Ð as Jake and Fu Dog spring to the ground on either
side of her. She is also surrounding by 200 dogs.
Please, don't hurt me. Or get your dog
hairs on me.
So what do we do with her, Fu Dog?
140 FU DOG
I have half a mind to emulsify her.
Ogelvy and makes puppy dog eyes. Fu Dog relents.
141 FU DOG (CONT'D)
But the other half is late for a ball
game, so let's just get her into anger
management and call it a day. (glances
around at the dogs) Anybody else here a
The dogs swarm Fu, and licking his face.
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