(Enter the Man Who Could Sell Anything with his assistant.) THE MAN WHO COULD SELL ANYTHING And they lived happily ever after, all right folks, this is my assistant Sparky, and I want you to just start callin' out those credit card numbers and Sparky'll take 'em down. Now, what you're buying, just call 'em out, what you're buying is in this box that we all saw earlier. Now for the low, low, low low price. Of $19.95. That's right, just $19.95. You can own... (He opens the box.) The official Poona the Fuckdog t-shirt. Be the envy of your friends. This shirt is not only a cherished souvenir, but it's also trendy, hip, swank, and sexy. Imagine lounging at home sipping cognac wearing nothing but your Poona the Fuckdog t-shirt and a pair of fishnet stockings. Or ladies, the Fuckdog t-shirt, heels and a thong. And not only is it the latest fashion craze. But it's also a collector's item. How many have we sold so far? SPARKY Four. THE MAN WHO COULD SELL ANYTHING With only four shirts in existence, you're sure to be the envy of your friends. FROG Can I get one? (Frog goes to Sparky and buys a t-shirt.) THE MAN WHO COULD SELL ANYTHING What are you doing? FROG (confused:) Buying a t-shirt. THE MAN WHO COULD SELL ANYTHING You can't do that! FROG What? My money's not green? THE MAN WHO COULD SELL ANYTHING I'm the villain of the piece! I'm rampant consumerism. I'm the evils of commercialism. FROG Yeah, but I want a shirt. THE MAN WHO COULD SELL ANYTHING But that makes it look like it's okay. I'm trying to trick these people out of their money. FROG Well, so go ahead, but after you're done, I want one. THE MAN WHO COULD SELL ANYTHING But you only want this because it says, "Poona the Fuckdog" on it. Do you know how stupid that is? FROG I know, but I really want one. I collect them. THE MAN WHO COULD SELL ANYTHING Well, you can't have one. FROG I was in the show, I think I should have one. THE MAN WHO COULD SELL ANYTHING But you don't need one. It's junk merchandise. You shouldn't support it. FROG But it's not junk to me. I really want it. THE MAN WHO COULD SELL ANYTHING It doesn't matter if you really want it, I'm trying to rip people off, and you shouldn't encourage that, even in a play. FROG But you're just pretending. THE MAN WHO COULD SELL ANYTHING That's not the point. Okay, look, what if there's some guy on the street corner selling something you really want-- FROG Like these t-shirts. THE MAN WHO COULD SELL ANYTHING Okay, like these t-shirts. But they're stolen. FROG How do I know they're stolen? THE MAN WHO COULD SELL ANYTHING Because he's selling them on the street corner! And they're really cheap. FROG Oo! How much? THE MAN WHO COULD SELL ANYTHING Really cheap. FROG A dollar? THE MAN WHO COULD SELL ANYTHING Yes, a dollar. FROG There's a guy selling these t-shirts for a dollar?? (The Frog is out the door.) THE MAN WHO COULD SELL ANYTHING There is no hope for humanity. (He exits.) (Sparky still peers plaintively into the audience with his notepad ready.)