copyright © 2005 Jeff Goode

Shaven

by Jeff Goode

copyright © 2005

 

SHAVEE Somebody shaved me.

MATE Wasn’t me.

SHAVEE Did you shave me last night while I was asleep?

MATE No.

SHAVEE Then why am I clean shaven?

MATE You have a goatee.

SHAVEE You know what I mean.

MATE (snickers) (recovering:) Maybe it was one of the kids. Jackson! (off his glare:) What?

SHAVEE Y’know, there’s shaving cream right next to the sink in the bathroom.

MATE It was a joke.

SHAVEE Just sitting there. Next to the razors. Very convenient.

MATE It was a prank. It wasn’t supposed to be perfect. It’s supposed to be funny.

SHAVEE I see, so that excuses your sloppy workmanship?

MATE (snickers)

SHAVEE Y’know, if my appearance bothers you--

MATE It was a joke!

SHAVEE All I’m saying… You could’ve said something. I could have done it myself. I shouldn’t have to wake up with little bits of toilet paper stuck all over. (beat) (scratches a bit, down there)

MATE All right, I’m sorry. Okay? Are you happy?

SHAVEE (sulks) No.

MATE What?

SHAVEE I think you know.

MATE No, I don’t know. What?

SHAVEE (no response)

MATE What else is bothering you?

SHAVEE Somebody waxed me.

MATE You were like that when I got there.

SHAVEE (beat) Those damn kids. …Jackson!

 

(BLACKOUT)

THIS SCRIPT IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR

First performed at No Shame Los Angeles on May 13, 2005.

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