(WOMAN talking on a CELL PHONE in one hand, and trying to read a MAP & DIRECTIONS in the other - [use your script as the map].)

(On phone:)

Hey! Where are you at?

I'm here.

Yeah, I'm here already, where are you?

(She looks around.)

I don't see you.

Yeah, I'm lookin' around, I don't see you.

I got the directions right in front of me.

I'm looking right at them.

No, I'm not lost, I'm right where it says I'm supposed to be. Where are you?

Well, I don't see you.

I know what you look like.

It doesn't matter what you're wearing. There's nobody else here. I think I'll recognize you.

If you want, but that's not gonna help.

I'm telling you, it's not gonna make a difference.

(irritated:) All right, go ahead then.

No, go ahead.

Are you waving? You're waving? Yeah, you're still not here.

I'm sorry, we're just not in the same place.

Why can't you ever admit being wrong.

Because I'm not wrong, you're wrong.

You aren't here.

Yes, I'm sure!

Listen, I don't know where you are, but where I am it's pretty clear I'm the only one here. So for you to be here and me not know it, you would have to be invisible.

No, you're not behind me.

Yes, I looked behind me.

(She turns around and looks behind her.)

All right, I'm looking behind me. And... Oh, look! You're not there! Are you happy?

I'm not hiding? I'm right here in plain sight. Hellooo!

What would I hide behind?

There's not a fountain here! That's what I'm saying! I'm not at the place with the fountain!

(looking at her MAP again:)

Okay, now I see where you are!

No, I can't see you.

I don't see you!

Stop waving, I don't see you. Stop it!

I see where you are on the map.

The map with the directions. You're in the wrong place.

Yes, you are.

Look at the map.

Are you looking at the map?

Why not?

Well, get it!

Where is it, then?

Why did you do that?!

Clearly you don't know your way around, or you wouldn't be wherever you are!

Well, you're not supposed to be there.

You're supposed to be here with me!

What do you mean you like it there?

Space? There's space over here!

Time? What do you mean? Time to do what?

Find yourself? What the hell...?

What?

You what?!

No, I heard you the first time!

(LONG pause.)

And this is how you break up with me?

All right, stay right there, I have to see you in person.

No, I'll come to you.

(looking at her map again)

No, stay where you are, I'll come to you. There's nothing to drown you in here.

(She walks off, following her map.)

(BLACKOUT)
THIS SCRIPT IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR

First performed at No Shame Los Angeles on March 28, 2004.

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