A is waiting. B shows up.
A: You're late.
B: I'm late? I've been waiting here.
A: No , you weren't. I was here. You just showed up. I saw you come in.
B: (pointing offstage) I was right over there.
A: I've been here for 15 minutes.
B: Yeah, and I was over there. For 16.
A: What were you doing over there?
B: Looking for you.
A: But we said we'd meet right here.
B: Yeah, and when you didn't show up for, like, a whole minute, I thought I should go look for you. And I thought, well, maybe you got confused and thought when I said we'd meet here that I meant over there. So I went over there to check it out.
A: I said we'd meet here! This was my idea.
B: Well, then there's no excuse for you being late.
A: I'm not late!
B: Did we start on time?
B: Then I guess that makes you late.
A: Rrgh! (storms off)
B: Where are you going?
A: (offstage) Over here!
B: But I'm over here.
A: (offstage) I know!!
B: You want me to come over there?
A: (offstage) No! I want you to stay as far away from me as possible.
B: (goes off in the opposite direction) How's this?
A: (offstage) Fine!
B: (offstage) Okay! I'll just wait here. (pause) ...is all. (pause.) ...I'm gonna do.
(FADE TO BLACK)"Doglover" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
First performed at No Shame Los Angeles on February 6, 2004.