copyright © 2003 Jeff Goode

Perilous Choose

by Jeff Goode

(LIGHTS UP ON: TWO PEOPLE. They've been playing this game for a long time.)

PERILOUS
Hitler? ...or Hitler's bitch?

CHOOSE
Ooh.
That's a perilous choose.

On the one hand...
You're Hitler.

But then on the completely other hand what you have is...
You're Hitler's bitch.

You don't load the same responsibility
- being his bitch -
As Hitler does.
But the consequence?

PERILOUS
Yeah, that works out about the same.

CHOOSE
So you end up in that bunker either both ways.
But you can be there as Hitler's bitch. ...or Hitler.

PERILOUS
That's a perilous choose.

CHOOSE
I mean you're Hitler.
And the things you've done - being Hitler. Don't even get me started.

But if you're his bitch.
That's a non-picnic right there, too.

And where were you the whole time while this thing was all going on?

You still come off looking the bad cop no matter whatwise it spells out.
Plus you don't even get the credit.

I mean, what's her name even?
I don't see you sitting around trying to decide... Hitler's bitch? ...or Hitler's bitch's dude?

PERILOUS
Sure. Cuz that's a no-brainer.

CHOOSE
Plus your end game is still bullets and ashes, bottom line.

PERILOUS
No argument there.

(Long pause.)

So you'd be Hitler?

CHOOSE
That's a perilous choose.

(FADE TO BLACK.)
THIS SCRIPT IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR

First performed at No Shame Los Angeles on April 25, 2003.

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