Boulder Weekly

Boulder Weekly - December 14, 2000


Santa's a ho!
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Jindati Doelter (buzz@boulderweekly.com)

If Christmas is not your cup of eggnog, or if you would like to have a holiday experience not totally immersed in crass commercialism, The Eight: Reindeer Monologues is for you. An extremely clever, even brilliant, indictment of Yuletide cheer, Reindeer Monologues skewers the season's sentimentality like a basted game hen.

Composed of eight one-person acts, the play features one of Santa's "tiny reindeer," but with a wickedly modern twist. In the world of reindeer, The Eight are god-like, living legends with the best jobs in the world. Beneath the veneer of elite celebrity, though, lies a sinister secret: Santa has a propensity toward lecherousness-if not outright sexual assault-and the reindeer are the objects of his uncontrolled desires. His rampant alcoholism doesn't curb his impulses, and Mrs. Claus is portrayed as a cruel, drunken hag. Obviously, Reindeer Monologues is not for the young ones-it is very adult in its language and themes, and may not even be suitable for some members of the grownup community. For those who leave their imprinted moral attitudes at the door, however, it is immensely entertaining, hilarious, and even enlightening.

To start, a ghastly offense has allegedly occurred at the North Pole, and every reindeer has his or her say in the matter as the mystery unfolds in a Rashomon-like telling. Each anthropomorphized deer has a different take, and a personal agenda; each one drops hints, revealing by degrees the nature of the scandal which does not become fully clear until the end of the play. The reindeer directly address the audience as though it was a jury or an investigative committee. We learn that a violent sexual assault may or may not have been perpetrated by the Jolly Old Elf, and that the only witness, Rudolph, has been reduced to a gibbering inmate in a padded cell. Christmas cheer indeed.

Dasher the First Deer (David C. Riley), leader of the sleigh team on Christmas Eve, is all machismo. Although zealously dedicated to his sacred mission, he is cynical, worn and righteously pissed about the complaining of some of his comrades. What's a little rape in comparison to the magnitude of their responsibilities? We are just single deer, he says, while the people of the world awaiting their Christmas presents are billions.

Cupid (Neville Bennett), the next to testify, is the stereotypical gay man (or deer), and his monologue is either bawdy or offensive, depending on the listener. Mostly concerned with having a good time, he intimates that Santa's improprieties are not constrained by gender. Prancer (Justin Lujan), also known as "Hollywood" since the debut of his movie, is every bit the film auteur in a black turtleneck and shades. With suave bravado, Hollywood spews about the inequities of the industry, ("No deer has ever been nominated for an Oscar!") and fumes over Rudolph stealing his limelight. He is more concerned about legal wrangling over his career than he is about a friend being raped.

"A reindeer has a right to her own body, to not be treated like livestock," says the feminist Blitzen (Julia Johnson). As far as she is concerned, Santa is a "libidinous, grotesque troll of a man," and must be uncovered for the world to see.

Comet (Ira Liss), rescued by St. Nick from a life as a hoodlum deer and drug addict, comes to the defense of his benefactor as he explains the life he used to live and where he is today. Santa is a good man, and the allegations against him are a travesty. He is, after all, Santa Claus. How could he be a molester?

Dancer (Kryssi Wyckoff Martin), who slams an entire bottle of whiskey during her monologue, needs the job and won't rock the boat; and Donner (Heston Gray) delves into the tragic story of how he got involved with the elite reindeer corps.

Finally comes Vixen, the alleged victim herself (Lori Duncan), and, in an exposition of raw female power, the truth is brought to light. Whatever has happened to Vixen, she remains empowered and full of purpose.

Reindeer Monologues is a perfectly-balanced mix of the deadly serious and the uproarious. While dealing with issues of sexual politics, morality and the often hideous face of society, it never fails to amuse. The humor is fast, brilliant and topical. Without exception, the acting is superb. Don't miss this one, you will laugh your furry elf off.