Dana Oland
The Idaho Statesman

Welcome to the dark side of the holidays. Meet "The Eight" - they are reindeer like you've never seen them before.

This ain't no Rankin and Bass claymation special. This is the real gritty exposé about Santa's elite team of magical flying reindeer and the sacrifices they made to get there.

It's a series of monologues - eight to be exact - in which the reindeer, from Dasher to Vixen, reveal their true personalities as interpreted by playwright Jeff Goode.

The content is adult - really adult.

In this holiday offering, Vixen, the sexy former Playboy centerfold reindeer, is bringing sexual assault charges against Santa.

Rudolph may or may not have been a witness. No one can ask him because he's in a state of catatonic shock in his padded stall.

Vixen, played by Tess Parke, said she couldn't comment because of the pending litigation. She did say the rumors that she slept her way on to the team were products of pure deer jealousy.

The play was performed in Boise in 1996 and was a cult hit at the Neurolux. This time it's being produced at Albertson College of Idaho in Caldwell and at the Fulton Street Theater in Boise.

"This so flies in the face of every holiday special or story we grew up with," said Joe Golden, head of Albertson College's drama department.

"It totally turns the tables on this whole idea of believing in Santa. I mean here's this guy in a red suit. He comes down your chimney, into your house in the middle of the night. He's stalking you to find out if you're good or bad ... what's that about?"

Good point, possibly but it's hard to take Joe seriously - or anyone for that matter - when he's sitting across from you wearing antlers. Joe has his attached to a John Deere hat.

Joe plays Donner, Rudolph's father.

"Donner sold his soul for his own fame and his son's. He's really not qualified to be on the team."

What do you mean "sold his soul?"

Donner let Santa molest Rudolph and then blackmailed Santa to get them both on the team with Rudolph leading. "That's something no deer other than Dasher had done before."

I hear Dasher is pretty bitter about that.

"Well, that's his problem," Joe said, switching into Donner mode. "I think he's just bitter because he didn't have a song written about him. Rudolph is famous for evermore. He's got that very nice claymation film from Rankin and Bass. Everyone should see that.

"There's the song, of course, and we get a residual from every decoration with Rudolph's image on it."

It's all done in dark sardonic fun. The serious side is that this is a fund-raiser for Albertson College's theater program.

Jeff Goode wrote the play to pay homage to the unsung reindeer, Goode said.

"I found it ironic that the most famous reindeer, Rudolph, was made up for an ad campaign," Goode said. "I wanted to know about the other reindeers. They have personalities, too. That's why the piece starts with all this built-up resentment against Rudolph."

Goode wrote it as a solo piece while he was living in Chicago. Now he's in Los Angeles writing for television and producing his own work.

"The Eight" will be given about 20 productions across the country this holiday season.

Reindeer breakdown

Dasher - Team leader, company man who's bitter about Rudloph's fame.

Dancer - She's a retired dancer and the only Jewish reindeer.

Prancer - He became an actor after starring in his own self-titled film with Cloris Leachman and Abe Vigoda. Definitely a "B" actor with an "A List" attitude.

Blitzen - She's a radical feminist who may or may not be a lesbian.

Comet - He's a reformed gang member.

Cupid - The teams only openly gay reindeer. His posters sell second only to Judy Garlands in the gay community.

Donner - Rudolph's father who blackmailed his way on to the team.

Vixen - Former Playboy Miss December who is suing Santa for sexual assault.

To offer story ideas or comments, contact Dana Oland
doland@idahostatesman.com or 377-6442

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