This Hat (Ain't Nothin' But Trouble)

by Jeff Goode & Larrance Fingerhut

from Ring Cycle! the Musical

Mime describes the history of the accursed Tarnhat
  • Play Track
      Cast Recording
      The Unusual Cabaret, October 1994
        Inger Hatlen, lead vocals
        John Kaufmann, vocals
        Larrance Fingerhut, piano
  • Lyrics:
Oh, I was just a humble haberdasher, till my brother, Al
He asked me for a favor, and I said, "You name it, pal.
If my haberdashing talents can help out, just let me know,
And I'll be on it like the cow horns on a valkyrie's chapeau.

Well, he showed me, then, a feature in a fashion magazine
About a hat made out of gold and he said, "Make me one of these."
Well, I looked at brother Al, and I said, "Listen to me, Bro'
This hat is made of gold, and that's expensive, don't ya know."

But then he said, "Sweat it not, my Meem, because I got the cash.
Y'see, I swiped it from an underwater Rheingold stash!"
I told him, "Crime, it doesn't pay, and it's a sin, as well."
But he said, "Brother, make the hat, so I can look good in hell."

This hat (that hat) ain't nothin' but trouble.
This hat (that hat) is gonna do you wrong.
This hat (that hat) 's gonna ruin your reputation.
I think we can surmise it's gonna lead to the demise
of every man or god or Nibelung to whom it shall belong.

I said "Find a new accomplice, I don't want to get involved!"
He said "I have something here, I think will weaken your resolve."
Then he reached into his pocket and took out a golden Ring.
I said, "If you think you can bribe me... Hey, well, that's another thing."

But it was not generosity, he slipped it on his hand,
And by magic I was forced to do his dastardly demands!
Oh, yes, he made me wash the dishes and to scrub the kitchen floor,
And he made me fold his underwear and, oh, and one thing more:

He made me build the Tarnhat - that is what the thing was called.
And his wish was my command, but deep inside I was appalled.
For the power of the Tarnhat and the Ring are very great.
But don't imagine that will save him from a terrible fate.

This hat (that hat) ain't nothin' but trouble.
This hat (that hat) is gonna do you wrong.
This hat (that hat) 's gonna ruin your reputation.
I think we can surmise it's gonna lead to the demise
of every man or god or Nibelung
(or cat or dog or Romulan)
Of every god or Nibelung
to whom it shall belong!!!